Words of Wisdom for Eilish When She's a Teenager

This morning on the Go Train I saw 4 teenagers making their way downtown. They were dressed like they were auditioning for Rock of Love (holla!) and I just sat there praying that when the time comes Eilish would make better decisions about her hair/make-up/wardrobe than these girls were making.

So, Eilish:

1 - Always make sure your bra fits you properly. There is nothing worse than an ill-fitting bra that gives you the appearance of 4 boobs.

2 - A tank top that comes with a bra built in is not acceptable if your boobs are bigger than a B. Given you lineage, I see no bra tanks in your future.

3 - Let's just say no to thongs right now. We can revisit when you're old enough to vote.

4 - It's best to wear make-up that gives the appearance of no make-up, so skip the lip liner or bright eye shadow. It's not cute and you may end up looking like a hooker - the truth hurts my love.

5 - Try not to touch your face during the day or pick at any pimples you might have. It leads to scars and scars are forever.

6 - If your shoes hurt when you put them on, chances are they will hurt all day so bring an extra pair just in case.

7 - During your lady days try to stay prepared. Have everything you'll need in case of an emergency with you in your purse/bag etc.

8 - Don't slouch.

9 - You are prettier than you think you are.

10 - If you're with a group of friends and they are 'acting a fool' don't feel like you have to along with them. It's fine to laugh and appreciate their foolishness but you don't want to be the person who feels like you have to outdo everyone. You don't have to be the loudest.

11 - Just because everyone's doing it, doesn't mean you have to. You don't have to be a killjoy but you also don't have to be 13 years old planning how wasted you're going to get this weekend. In my experience, peer pressure is a crock. Kids who want to drink at 13 want to drink it all and won't call you a loser if you don't. And if they do, whatev - when you're 19 these people won't even be your friends anymore.

12 - I don't care about what you want to do with your hair but if it's going to be long, it has to be clean. If it's going to be colored it should be done professionally so it's not green.

13 - Let's try and limit piercings to ears for now because the healing process of an eyebrow ring ain't cute.

14 - It's OK to be a kid once in awhile. You are going to feel some pressure to grow up fast because girls tend to mature faster than boys, but that doesn't mean you have to try and be an adult. It's hard enough being a teenager.

15 - If you keep making this face, you're going to have the same wrinkle above your nose as your Mama:

Eilish is Bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S

Somewhere along the way Eilish has picked up some interesting habits. There are some things that she does to mimic things Owen and I do and there are some things she’s picked up along the way that I can’t account for. For instance sometimes when drinking, she’ll hold water in her mouth and slowly dribble it out over her chin. She will do it over and over again. Owen and I generally don’t react when she does this, if you can count hiding my face and laughing my ass of as ‘not reacting’, but I don’t think she does it for attention. I think she likes the way that it feels, the water slowly moving its way down her chin, her neck, her shirt. Last night she added a new facet to that move by leaning against the couch and tilting her head way back as to extend the water pleasure.

If you ask her where her hands are, she just won’t show you her hands, she raises them in what can only be described as ‘jazz hands’ move and keeps her fingers splayed (?) out and in front of her face, it’s the oddest thing and I don’t know why she does it.

When she sees our cat Lucy she always lets out a high pitched ‘ooooh’ sound. Not a ‘meow’ like she does when she sees a picture of a cat but more of a mimic-y sound in a response to Lucy’s cries. She will do it sometimes to my parent’s cat but always to Lucy.

She has also started doing yoga poses limited to downward facing dog and will rest her head on the floor while her bum bobs in the air.

She no longer gives kisses unless you can prove to her you are going bye-bye unless it’s when she gives unsolicited kisses for seemingly no reason except you just happen to be there.

Even when full she will eat whatever Cheerio she comes across even if she came across it while looking under the couch.

When climbing the stairs she loses speed around step 4 where she picks up and piece of dust she can find and holds it up to show me like she can’t keep going unless these stairs have been cleaned.

She’s started splashing in the tub with such intent and fervor that she almost scares herself.

The kid is cookoo.

She loves her Poppy, but she's still cookoo.

Working Mother - is there any other kind?

Monday was hard. I was up at the ass crack of dawn and in an attempt to not wake Eilish; I dried my hair in the basement, put my make-up on in the hallway and straightened my hair in the living room. Owen was up to see me off at 7:10 when Lee Ann picked me up and E got up around 7:30. I didn’t cry until after work when Owen and Eilish picked me up at the Go Station. I ran to the car crying and hopped in the back seat with E but all she was interested in was my purse. Owen spent the day with our girl and she had a great time with him.

Tuesday was more of the same although I didn’t cry after work. Tuesday evening was very rushed because I want to hang out with Eilish until she goes to bed so after that I was doing dishes (Owen did offer to do them) and cleaning bottles. Owen spent the day with our girl and had a great - but exhausting – day. Tuesday evening I had an attack of conscience, wondering if I was doing the right thing being back at work.

Wednesday is Eilish’s first day with Liz and Owen said the hand-off went well. Liz brought Eilish a CD of nursery rhymes to listen to (guess she’s not a big Carly Simon fan?!) and filled out the form that I left so Anal Mama Jen could know when Eilish ate, slept and pooped. When I got home Wednesday Eilish climbed up on me and gave me an unsolicited smooch so Wednesday was a good day.

Thursday is when things get a little hairy at our house. I can’t leave until Owen gets home in the morning so I have to be up, showered and ready for when E wakes up but it’s nice to have breakfast with her and be the first face she sees in the morning. Liz arrives at 9:30 so Owen can go to sleep. I didn’t see Liz yesterday as Owen let her go when he woke up so it was nice to come home to my little family.

This morning I didn’t get up in time to shower when Eilish woke up so I’m sporting a pony tail and my eyebrows have bed head. My pants are too tight and I have a meeting over lunch which is pretty cruel for your first week back. Can’t wait to ‘sleep in’ tomorrow until Eilish gets up at 7:30. I remember when sleeping in meant noon!

All in all a very busy week. Eilish seems very happy and Liz has been good about filling out my forms and telling me how wonderful Eilish is. Owen seems very tired and it’s weird not seeing him as much as I did when I was off. I am slowly adjusting to being back at work but am enjoying using the bathroom without having to bring Eilish with me!