Aunt Lib Shout Out

Because of the 'Great Constipation of 2008' and in preparation of 'Potting Training 2009' Owen and I have begun praising Eilish when she tells us when she has to poop. We tell her she's a good girl and that everybody poops. Then, we have to give her confirmation of the people who poop during her 'poop roll call'. So last night, it went like this:

Eilish - I'm pooping.

Jen - Good girl Eilish.

Eilish - Everybody poops.

Jen - That's right, everybody poops.

Eilish - Mama poops, Daddy poops, Nanny poops, Poppy poops. Who else?

Jen - Um, Lucy the cat poops, Uncle Joel poops.

Eilish - Grandma Poops.

Jen - Yep, Grandma poops...um, cousin Connell poops.

Eilish - Nicky poops.

Jen - Yep, Nicky poops....um.....um....Ryan poops, Emma poops, Aunt Joan poops.

Eilish - Aunt Lib poops!

More Conversations with a Toddler

Jen - Eilish, do you want some cake for desert?
Eilish - Sure.
Eilish - Not ice cream.
Jen - No, cake.
Eilish - Not cookie.
Jen - No, cake. Nanny brought cake.
Eilish - Not pudding.
Jen - No….cake.
Eilish - Not popsicles. Not chocolate. Not brownies. Not cupcakes. Not treats.
Jen - Nope, CAKE!

It's too bad the kid doesn't know anything about treats.

Conversations with a Toddler

At Dinner:
Jen: So I was all like you can't do that…
Owen: Well, you're right. He shouldn't have…
Eilish: FORK!
Jen: I know right? Kind of a jerky thing to…
Eilish: TABLE!
Owen: Maybe he thought that…
Eilish: AND ANOTHER TABLE!
Jen: It doesn't matter anyway because she…
Eilish: STEREO!
Owen: Oh, I know he wouldn't have said that if…
Eilish: MAMA! DADDY! TABLE! FORK! DRINK!

After a Nap:
Eilish: I missed you.
Jen: I missed you too.
Eilish: I was sleeping!

In the Bath:
Eilish: Moony.
Jen: Yep, that's your moony.
Eilish: Gentle, gentle.
Jen: That's right, be gentle with your moony.
Eilish: Eilish moony, Mama moony. Daddy no moony.

In the Car:
Eilish: Go home.
Jen: We're going to the bookstore.
Eilish: Go home.
Owen: We're going to buy Eilish a new movie!
Jen: Maybe a Dora movie?
Eilish: SURE!

In Her Sleep:
Eilish - Dora! Dora!

That sound you heard was Judes' head exploding

Jen - Are you brushing the dolly's hair? Very pretty.

Eilish - Mama pretty.

Jen - Oh thank you lover. Who else is pretty?

Eilish - Aunt Joan.

Jen - Is Liz (the nanny) pretty?

Eilish - No.

Jen - Is Nanny pretty?

Eilish - No.

And the Beat Goes On

Last night over dinner Owen and I came to the realization that there will come a point where Eilish will think we are really uncool. We spend the evenings that Owen is home doing crossword puzzles. He'll do the one in the Sun and I'll attempt the New York Times crossword then we'll switch and try to fill in the answers the other missed. This is what constitutes a rocking Tuesday night at the Connell house. Eilish will have no idea how 'cool' we used to be. You know, with all the under age drinking and whatnot. We can tell her about all the cool bands we've seen in concert (U2! 3 times) but by the time she is old enough to go to concerts of her own, our favorite bands will be even more uncool then we are. She will think the clothes I wear are dated and that our love of singing Chicago in the car very embarrassing.

Someday, she won't want to dance with us in the living room or go to the library with her ol' Mom on Saturday mornings. She's already gained an independence in her playing, occupying herself for hours at a time with her little people and her animals. She is stingy with her lovin' and would rather run around the house pretending to make soup then sit up on the couch for some snuggles.

Last night after her bath, I was putting her pajamas on and was zipping her up when she hugged right into me. Owen asked her what she was doing and she said, 'loving Mama'. I have to remember to treasure those moments because someday her pajamas won't need zipping and she'll be able to put herself to bed. Owen and I will still be in the living room doing crossword puzzles talking about the little girl she was and the woman she'll become. And the beat goes on.

Bath Time

Bathing with Eilish always sounds like a good idea in theory, not so much in execution. We've only had 2 baths together in her 22 months, one when she was really little and didn't do much other than sit there and another a few months ago when she was going through some bum trauma. Owen has bathed with her once, wearing swim trunks which is another story best told in person after a few cocktails.

Last night I had just about run out of patience with her (Me: Eilish, what do you want for dinner? Eilish: Ice Cream? Me: Nooooo. Eilish: Chocolate? Me: Do you want to watch a movie? Eilish: Toopy & Binoo? Me: No we have Diego, Max & Ruby, the Wiggles, Franklin {Mommy's discovered the library rents movies}. Eilish: Toopy & Binoo?) and decided to move the party upstairs. It wasn't quite bath time so we 'played', that is moved from room to room pretending to go to bed. A few Moms I know shower their children instead of bathing them so I thought to try it out. I ran the water, turned on the shower, stripped us both off and jumped on in. Eilish wanted no part of the whole standing thing and the shower curtain really freaked her out. Maybe she has a touch of claustrophobia but she lost her mind and wanted to get the hell out of dodge. So I plugged the tub, pulled out the curtain and we both sat there waiting for the tub to fill up. She was sitting sideways in the middle of the tub and I was pressed up at the end of the tub freezing my ass off.

So I got us situated, her sitting in front of me while I washed her, her 'washing' my knees and having one of those mother/daughter moments that I'll treasure….

…until she turned around and faced me, taking in all my nakedness and looking at me like, 'dude, do you think those cookies were a good idea?'. She had many a question as to what was what and why was there hair 'there' etc. She likes to push on some body areas and poke at others all the while with this confused look on her face. I felt very exposed and not so good about myself and it was made worse when she decided to climb up on me and use my chest and belly as a water slide. And thus endeth Mother/Daughter bath time.

Crib Inventory

When you first have a baby you are told to have absolutely nothing in the crib with them while they are sleeping. No toys, no blankets, no bumber pads. Nothing. Since Eilish was born in March we had a little sleep sack we used to put her in to keep her warm, but other than that her crib had a sheet and that's it. As she got bigger and started to move around in her crib, we added the bumper pads and as the cold weather approched again we added blankets. Somewhere along the way a stuffed lamb made it's way in her crib and things have snow balled out of control.

On any given night here is what you can find in her bed:

- Eilish (duh)
- 3 soothers (AKA suckies)
- 1 bottle (AKA boppy)
- 1 Lamb (AKA Lamby)
- 1 Lamb (this one is just a lamb head with a blanket attached)
- 1 baby
- Max & Ruby beanie babies (AKA Nax & Ruby)
- 4 blankets: unless I get back in the room after Owen in which case I remove at least 2 of them (AKA blanky)

She knows when things are missing and if you leave a blanket on her rocking chair, you will hear her cry out for her 'blanky' and when you put it in her crib she will pull it up to her chin or cover one of her friends with it.

Last week we found the Glow Worm Andrea had given her and that made its way into her bed. All night long, everytime she rolled over the thing would start playing music. The Glow Worm is now a downstairs toy. Don't feel bad for the worm though, last night before bed she changed it's imaginary diaper, gave it a kiss and put it to sleep on the couch, and headed upstairs to the little home she's built for herself in her crib, taking our hearts with her.

Poop, Pooper, Pooping

I could post about how wonderful our Christmas was or how great it was to be home as a family with Eilish for almost 3 weeks but instead I'm going to tell you a little story about the worst day of parenting Owen and I have had thus far.

It is all about the poop.

So, Eilish is a pretty good pooper. Stuff goes in, stuff comes out, no big whoop. Last week Eilish had been trying to poop for about a day and a half and nothing was happening. She had eaten a lot of junk over the holidays after developing a taste for After Eight chocolates. You couldn't help give them to her as after each bite she would declare it 'delicious'. We were pretty lax with her diet over Christmas and paid the price.

We put her to bed after nearly 2 days not pooping and heard her cry out after about an hour. When I went upstairs she was laying on her side crying and…straining. This next part is not for the faint of heart so scroll down for a cute picture and we'll forget this post ever happened.

I pulled off her diaper and saw would can only be described as an alien life form trying to make it's way out of her butt. I had honestly never seen her bum look like that before but to be honest, I've never caught her mid poop. Anyway I reached in and tried to remove the poop, only to leave a sizable amount still in her. That's when Owen arrived. For those of you who don't know, to say Owen has a weak stomach is putting in mildly. He is known to gag even wiping the kid's nose. We took her out of her crib and put her on her change table where she continued to cry and strain, it was heartbreaking. I started running around, crying myself at this point looking for some Vaseline. It was then determined by someone other than myself (Owen) that my carrying on wasn't really helping anyone (Eilish) and that I should just hold her hand, kiss her face and let the professional (Owen) get to work. And work he did. Using a Q-tip he chiseled away at the poop until Eilish passed what legend would refer to as 'a man sized shit'.

After she was cleaned up and still whimpering she looked up at her Mom and Dad who were at this point up to their wrists in her excrement and said, 'downstairs?'. So at 10:00pm downstairs we went and read book after book until she was ready to go back to sleep. It was our hardest and finest hour of parenting to date and we spent the rest of the night buzzed about our poop adventures.

2009 has started off as the Year of the Vegetable as Owen and I pretend to like all the vegetables we're feeding Eilish. She doesn't actually eat the green beans or (shudder) broccoli that we put on her plate that we pretend to enjoy ourselves, but what she does not know is that veggies have been added to everything she eats. I've hidden broccoli in rice and green beans in meatloaf. I'm like the Vegetable Whisperer and although she can't articulate it, I know her bum thanks me.

Happy 35th Birthday to my Baby Daddy

...who doesn't want his picture on the Internet.

Time Out

Eilish has little patience. She comes by it honestly and neither do Owen and I. If something doesn't go her way, let's say a puzzle or something chances are she's going to throw that sucker and yell while doing it. Saturday night we were in the basement and she was playing with a toy car that Owen has (side note: why does Owen have a toy car? He is not a car guy.) and when she couldn't get the hood up, she tossed it across the room.

As all my parenting tips come from TV, I employed a Super Nanny tactic of putting Eilish is 'time out'. I sat her on the arm chair, told her that she shouldn't throw things, how Mommy and Daddy don't throw things (we just curse under our breath) and that she had to sit in the chair for a few minutes until she calmed down. I told her, 'don't move' and perhaps, perhaps pointed my finger while I said it. As I was explaining all this to her, she looked me in the eyes, pointed her finger and said, 'don't move'. I turned away from her to laugh my ass off and reboot the computer and when I turned back to see how the time out was going she pointed her finger at me and said, 'don't move'. That chair has now been christened the 'don't move' chair and everytime she sits in it she points her finger and says 'don't move'.

I don't know if the time out worked. The TV was on so basically she was sitting in her chair watching Toopy & Binoo but she didn't throw anything else….that night. Sunday was a different story.

Here is an outtake from the great Christmas card photo shoot of 2008. This is pretty much how she looks at me when I try to explain the concept of time out.

Happy Birthday Uncle Joel!

With love from your best girl.

Saucy is as Saucy does

What does 'saucy' mean to you? This weekend I said (and this is a direct quote), 'there is nothing worse than a saucy kid'. I realized today that I have no idea what that means. Is saucy the same as bratty? Some may say that I am saucy and I would have to agree but I don't think I am bratty. I've come to take saucy as a compliment which may mean I've confused saucy confused with sassy.

I think Eilish is saucy and that it wasn't a learned behavior, that she was born like that - it's hereditary. Case in point:

She woke up from her nap at Mom's house sweaty and unhappy wanting to be held by me of all people (usually she doesn't want much to do with me at Mom's house since she has Judes, Donnie K. and Joel at her beck and call willing to keep her hopped up on cake and chocolate milk - but I digress). So I was holding her in my arms, patting her bum and Mom sat on the side of the couch to talk to her and rub her head. She pushed Judes away and said no. Every time Mom sat down she tried to push her off the couch. Mom had just worked all day and was just looking for some lovin' but E wasn't having any of it.

This isn't the first time she's resorted to violence. There has been a Michael pushing episode, her unwillingness to share crayons and there may have been a crayon thrown last week but I'm denial about it.

Owen's reaction to any sauciness is to have a sit down chat with Eilish, explaining in a calm and rational fashion what she did wrong and why she shouldn't do it. My reaction goes a little something like this: 'Dude, have you LOST YOUR MIND?! You don't do that! Mama doesn't do that to you! You've gone right off your head! '

Another example of her sauciness is her reaction to a kiss request. Eilish doesn't give kisses without being asked for one (unless you are her mild mannered Dad) and even if you ask for one nicely 9/10 times you're not getting one. I've asked her for a kiss only for her to say no and then turn around and kiss an inanimate object such as the couch or her coloring book. And she knows what she's doing because she'll look right at me as if to say, 'watta ya think of this Mama?'. Again, that is not learned behavior, I have to my knowledge never kissed a couch!

Eilish: 50% Connell, 50% saucy.

Viewer Discretion was Advised

It's been a tough couple months for the Kennedy (and Connell) family but I'm happy to report that Donnie K. is doing well after being subjected to every test our medical system threw at him including being poked and prodded in an area that for intents and purposes is an exit.

To celebrate the good news Owen, Eilish and I visited Kitchener yesterday where Eilish charmed the pants off everyone, except for Uncle Joel who was already in his pajamas. To quote Lillie Mae, Eilish is 'growing like the hop'. Here's a picture of Eilish with her Pop shortly before she demanded half of his steak.









Thanks to everyone for their kind words and prayers.

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Eilish

Last night Eilish said the word 'crouch' while crouching.



MENSA here we come!

Eilish to English Dictionary

Eilish is talking up a storm and is beginning to put small sentences together. For instance, 'I get' - she will go get whatever you just asked her about or 'I see moon' as in, it's dark outside, I see the moon. It is not always easy to understand what she is trying to say so I present to you the first ever Eilish to English dictionary.

1. Puss = Purse (she thinks her plastic Fischer Price bag that holds her little people is her purse)

2. I get puss = I will go get my purse

3. Gar'ic = Garlic (said in whispers and in growls, Eilish learned the word garlic last week while I was watching a cooking show. After she whispers/growls the word she will sometimes add 'mmmm, good').

4. cho mil = chocolate milk (she loooves chocolate milk and once she has finished her cup will look at you and ask 'more?'

5. co = color

6. co Mama = would you like to color Mama? Somewhere along the way Eilish started calling me 'Mama', and it might be the cutest thing she says.

7. Boo Tee = beauty mark (I am covered in beauty marks and Eilish has one on her hand)

8. Boo Tee Mama Fas = Beauty Mark on Mama's Face

9. Ill bit = A little bit (as in I would like to help you put a little bit of cream on my face and when we are done I would like 'more'.)

10. Wassat = Dude, what is that?!

11. Hello = she started saying hello last night but sounds like Uncle Leo from Seinfeld that is a male Jewish Senior Citizen, hellooooooo.

Where have I been?

Where have you been?


Such a long time since I last posted. I have felt like I don't have much to say now that I'm back at work. It's been a long 8 months since I returned from maternity leave and the weeks are starting to all run into each other. I did promise Aunt Pat in Newfoundland that I would update this blog soon. Given that I'm checking Andrea's blog everyday for her baby news, it seems fitting to update my 'readers' on my own baby.

Eilish is currently 19 1/2 months old. She had her needle last week (a month late - holy cow is it hard to work and schedule appointments!) and that went as well as expected. She is a whopping 25 pounds 11 ounces and 2 feet 10 inches tall which is apparently off the charts for her age. I have no idea where she is getting her height from, but it's not me! She is talking up a storm and when Owen calls me from home I can hear her in the background repeating the last word he said.

I am going to make a serious effort to update this blog on a more regular basis. In the meantime, have you heard that Eilish is going to have a new cousin?

A Difference of Opinion

Owen: So Tony and I were talking and he was saying that Charlene (Tony's girlfriend) got presents on Easter. And then I said, Jen totally got presents at Easter.

Jen: I remember the best Easter ever, I was in Grade 5 and I got a Michael Jackson t-shirt and the Thriller album.

Owen: So then we were saying like who gets presents at Easter? It's not exactly a gift giving holiday.

- Silence -

Jen: Eilish is for sure getting presents at Easter...

Owen: Well I don't know, maybe chocolate or something small.

Jen: I'm not talking a car but she is FOR SURE getting presents at Easter. AND Valentine's Day AND Halloween.

Owen: Don't you think we should talk about stuff like this?

Jen: Listen, have you met my family? You go ahead and give her piddly little chocolate bunnies come Easter. My family will take care of the rest.

Owen: When I was growing up...

Jen: Oh lord...

Owen: Exactly, it's a religious holiday.

Jen: And the Baby Jesus would want Eilish to have presents.

Owen: I can't win this one can I?

Jen: Nope, not even close. Good try though.

Goodnight Moon

The Scene:

Eilish is fresh from her bath, naked as a jay bird with her bath towel underneath her, lying on her change table. I’m applying lotion to her clean skin and Owen is milling around, going from room to room doing whatever it is he does when I’m not bothering him to pick up towels or feed the cat.

Jen: Eilish is totally massaging her feet.

Owen: She gets that from me, I’m always massaging myself.

Jen: Now she’s moved on to her legs. Oh….huh….um….she has discovered her…um…moon. SHE IS TOTALLY PLAYING WITH HER MOON! OK, deep breath. I don’t want he to think she’s doing anything wrong.

Owen (hiding in our bedroom): Vagina! Call it a vagina!

Jen: No way, I’m calling it a moon. Eilish, that is your moon, be careful, don’t hurt yourself. That’s right baby, that’s your moon.

Owen: VAGINA!

Jen: MOON!

Owen: VAGINA!

Eilish: Wassat?

Jen: It’s your moon lover.

Owen: Come on Jen, I really think we should call it a vagina.

Jen: Why?

Owen: You don’t want her to get made fun of when she goes to school.

Jen: First, why is she talking about her moon at school and second, I called it a cookeroonie for god’s sake and I’m relatively well adjusted.

Owen: Fine.

Jen: Fine.

{Silence}

Jen: I really gotta put her diaper on, she is freaking me out.

Words of Wisdom for Eilish When She's a Teenager

This morning on the Go Train I saw 4 teenagers making their way downtown. They were dressed like they were auditioning for Rock of Love (holla!) and I just sat there praying that when the time comes Eilish would make better decisions about her hair/make-up/wardrobe than these girls were making.

So, Eilish:

1 - Always make sure your bra fits you properly. There is nothing worse than an ill-fitting bra that gives you the appearance of 4 boobs.

2 - A tank top that comes with a bra built in is not acceptable if your boobs are bigger than a B. Given you lineage, I see no bra tanks in your future.

3 - Let's just say no to thongs right now. We can revisit when you're old enough to vote.

4 - It's best to wear make-up that gives the appearance of no make-up, so skip the lip liner or bright eye shadow. It's not cute and you may end up looking like a hooker - the truth hurts my love.

5 - Try not to touch your face during the day or pick at any pimples you might have. It leads to scars and scars are forever.

6 - If your shoes hurt when you put them on, chances are they will hurt all day so bring an extra pair just in case.

7 - During your lady days try to stay prepared. Have everything you'll need in case of an emergency with you in your purse/bag etc.

8 - Don't slouch.

9 - You are prettier than you think you are.

10 - If you're with a group of friends and they are 'acting a fool' don't feel like you have to along with them. It's fine to laugh and appreciate their foolishness but you don't want to be the person who feels like you have to outdo everyone. You don't have to be the loudest.

11 - Just because everyone's doing it, doesn't mean you have to. You don't have to be a killjoy but you also don't have to be 13 years old planning how wasted you're going to get this weekend. In my experience, peer pressure is a crock. Kids who want to drink at 13 want to drink it all and won't call you a loser if you don't. And if they do, whatev - when you're 19 these people won't even be your friends anymore.

12 - I don't care about what you want to do with your hair but if it's going to be long, it has to be clean. If it's going to be colored it should be done professionally so it's not green.

13 - Let's try and limit piercings to ears for now because the healing process of an eyebrow ring ain't cute.

14 - It's OK to be a kid once in awhile. You are going to feel some pressure to grow up fast because girls tend to mature faster than boys, but that doesn't mean you have to try and be an adult. It's hard enough being a teenager.

15 - If you keep making this face, you're going to have the same wrinkle above your nose as your Mama:

Eilish is Bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S

Somewhere along the way Eilish has picked up some interesting habits. There are some things that she does to mimic things Owen and I do and there are some things she’s picked up along the way that I can’t account for. For instance sometimes when drinking, she’ll hold water in her mouth and slowly dribble it out over her chin. She will do it over and over again. Owen and I generally don’t react when she does this, if you can count hiding my face and laughing my ass of as ‘not reacting’, but I don’t think she does it for attention. I think she likes the way that it feels, the water slowly moving its way down her chin, her neck, her shirt. Last night she added a new facet to that move by leaning against the couch and tilting her head way back as to extend the water pleasure.

If you ask her where her hands are, she just won’t show you her hands, she raises them in what can only be described as ‘jazz hands’ move and keeps her fingers splayed (?) out and in front of her face, it’s the oddest thing and I don’t know why she does it.

When she sees our cat Lucy she always lets out a high pitched ‘ooooh’ sound. Not a ‘meow’ like she does when she sees a picture of a cat but more of a mimic-y sound in a response to Lucy’s cries. She will do it sometimes to my parent’s cat but always to Lucy.

She has also started doing yoga poses limited to downward facing dog and will rest her head on the floor while her bum bobs in the air.

She no longer gives kisses unless you can prove to her you are going bye-bye unless it’s when she gives unsolicited kisses for seemingly no reason except you just happen to be there.

Even when full she will eat whatever Cheerio she comes across even if she came across it while looking under the couch.

When climbing the stairs she loses speed around step 4 where she picks up and piece of dust she can find and holds it up to show me like she can’t keep going unless these stairs have been cleaned.

She’s started splashing in the tub with such intent and fervor that she almost scares herself.

The kid is cookoo.

She loves her Poppy, but she's still cookoo.