She would tell you:
When the air hits your moon, it's a perfect time to pee - all over your parent's bed because at 4am your mother is too lazy to bring you to your room to change you.
Just because you look uncomfortable doesn't mean you are - so your mother should stop picking at you.
After almost three weeks on the planet it's obvious that your mother is terrified of you - that you're not eating enough, that you're eating too much, that you're too quiet, that you'll never stop crying. You scare the shit out of her.
You'll never have any brothers and sisters because for as long as you sleep in your parent's room your Dad will be sleeping in the bunk bed room because Daddy says sleeping with you is like sleeping on the highway.
That she's happy she's in Kitchener this week - the more people fawning over her the better.
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Hi Eilish,
Is it necessary to make appts for such fawning privileges? I would love to stop by at least once while your in town to chat. Your mom is great, funny, loving and tired. She needs to cut herself some slack, take a breath and relax. She is doing fine and being terrified is part of the whole package. But, you could ease up on her a bit...if you EVER want siblings!
Love Auntie Lori
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